In Her Own Words

Here's the latest on Mom - taken directly from her blog :)

Who Scrambled My Insides?

What is chemo like 3 weeks after major surgery?  It is the ultimate guessing game in which you try to figure out if  you are feeling "this way or that" because you just had surgery, or your hormones are imbalanced (a special bonus for having both ovaries removed simultaneously and welcoming premature menopause), or you have just intentionally decided to boil your insides with toxic chemicals.   There are no concise answers...it just feels like someone took a giant eggbeater and stirred your insides up.

There have been funny moments...when they let me take a business call just as my Benadryl infusion was taking hold, or when I panicked at the sight of a "horrible discharge emanating from my belly button" only to be slightly embarrassed to discover it was just accumulated surgery glue that was releasing itself from the wound and the then the moment you realize you are not "running a temperature"...simply having a "hot flash"

There have been scary moments....that first drip, drip, drip of caustic solution releasing itself into your veins, the first and second puncture into your newly installed port, and the first time you stand naked in front of the mirror and fully examine your Frankensteinish scar down the middle of your body for the first time.

There have been tender moments...when you close your eyes to endure a moment and are blessed with the spirit of comfort or you run into a new friend that you only met 3 weeks ago as you made recovery laps around the hospital together...and now share the same extended journey to the doctor's office, chemo infusion center, etc. 

There have been sad moments...when you know your illness is too painful for others to witness (they just feel so helpless and, if they are natural "fixers" by nature, it is 100 times worse...the fact that they can't make you better).

There have been unexpected mercies and kindnesses...cards, flowers, dinners, phone calls, visits, and expressions of concern.  One of the latest...my neighborhood gas station owner who literally walked around the counter and gave me a hug then sincerely told me he would pray for me every day until I was well.

What is chemo like after major surgery...it is a new adventure every day wondering how in the world your insides (including your brain) got so scrambled and what the ultimate result will end up being!