Shout Outs

I have mentioned on many occasions that our family has been blessed by countless "angels." I wanted to do a shout-out post to recognize some of the people and businesses that have been super supporters during this "Great Experience" as Mom would call it. This is definitely not all-inclusive, but it is important that we recognize many of those who have made an impact.

1) Anyone and everyone who has said a prayer, meditated, sent healing thoughts, good vibes or in any way took a moment (or more!) out of your day to share your spirit, positive energy, and well wishes for Mom and our family. The outpouring of support has been nothing short of a miracle and these prayers and support have created a strong foundation for Mom's battle and helped lift her spirits so she can keep up her energy to wage a personal war on cancer!

2) Mom's church - http://www.lds.org/ - her ward alone has mobilized and coordinated meals, service projects, members have given blessings, provided moral support and the ward continues to be an integral part of her support network.

3) Randy Grant, Owner of Divine Nature Health, Wellness and Nutrition - http://www.divinenature.com/ - Mom started her year-long health overhaul after she attended one of Randy's seminars in Las Vegas with one of her best friends. She explained to me that his message simply made sense to her and she was willing to incorporate many of his nutritional recommendations for a while and then see if it made a difference for her. A year later, she has completely turned her diet around and has experienced some phenomenal health benefits as a result. We are so thankful that she made so many wonderful changes over the course of the past year and on a personal note I love to see how good she feels when she is on target with her whole-foods diet and how helpful the smoothies/shakes are for her on a daily basis. Divine Nature is located in Mesa, AZ but their products can be ordered online at http://www.divinenature.com/. They are also on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube.

4) Mom's closest friends who have acted as liaisons, communicators and moral supporters. You know who you are. I don't know how I could have possibly coordinated all of the communications between family, friends, church members, work colleagues, etc. without having a select few people who have worked "behind the scenes" to support our family. I have often told Mom how cool it is to become friends with her best friends through all of this. I know now why she loves them so very much!

5) Special benefactors who have supplied Mom with things like head coverings, books, a special water filtration system, a leather recliner, wigs, hats, etc.

6) Everyone who has sent in cards, flowers, postcards, drawings, photos, balloons and more. Thank you for your thoughtfulness, your willingness to show your love for Mom and your continued support of her and her family.

And as I get ready to post this, I am certain I have forgotten to include everyone and I will add/amend as needed to give credit where credit is due! Please forgive me if I am missing anyone, it's late and I wanted to be sure and get this posted before retiring for the night. Thank you everyone so much for your continued love and support. Words do not adequately express how grateful we are to have such tremendous people in our lives.

~Candice

Bald and Beautiful

Just in case anyone hasn't already seen/heard, Mom bit the bullet yesterday and went to the barbershop and had a (very) nervous barber shave her head. She had been losing her hair for a few days and decided to take control of the situation and let her hair go. Her good friend had been over the night before talking to her about her own experiences with cancer, chemo and losing her hair and she felt empowered to go for it herself. She texted me the following photo with the caption "Ready or not . . . "

And then she followed that text message with the following picture and message: "Your momma rocks the baldy look . . . it is actually quite liberating!"

It took a moment to get used to, but tonight as she was laying back, legs kicked up in a recliner in her room, I realized that she didn't have a head covering and I didn't even think about the fact that my Mom is now bald. Funny how things change and you just adapt. My Mom is both bald and beautiful!

~Candice

How YOU Can Help

There are so many little miracles that we are privileged to count, be grateful for and recognize. These miracles range from an unexpected postcard, an encouraging email, and flowers to weekly meals, text messages and prayers. Tonight, Mom and I witnessed another miracle when we went to a somewhat unusual presentation hosted by Dr. Bradley J. Monk. M.D., Mom's gynecological oncologist. We were unsure what to expect but it turned out to be a plea for special money earmarked for cutting-edge research that Dr. Monk and his colleagues are working on. Now this wasn't a fancy schmancy fundraising dinner, it was a very personal event where people within a small community were coming together to support a friend and employee at their place of residence in Scottsdale. The woman has been diagnosed with a terminal form of cervical cancer and Dr. Monk put his personal as well as professional reputation on the line to ask for help in getting her DNA tested, sequenced and analyzed in order to attempt to target her cancer with a targeted cancer therapy based on the very specific characteristics of her cancer. This is her last chance to survive. And if they raise the money, this is the first time they have been able to have a cervical cancer patient's DNA sequenced and analyzed.

Now this is a sad story, but what does this have to do with Tammy? Well, this has everything to do with my Mom. Ovarian cancer is terribly under-funded from a research perspective and fortunately Mom is working with one of the world's foremost gynecological oncologists. We hope that her chemo treatments will be the end of her cancer battle, but in the case that they are not, it is more important than ever that this kind of DNA sequencing be explored, researched and tested. Please support her surgeon in his efforts. I have included the link  to the donation site here. And if research into gynecological oncology, ovarian cancer is what you choose to allocate your funds to, please be sure to indicate that you want your funds to go to "Gynecological Oncology, Ovarian Cancer."

Let me know if you have any questions.

~Candice

What a Week!

It's been a week since I posted and just over a week since my mom went to the ER and was informed that she indeed shows evidence of cancer in her lungs. Nine days ago I had a hard time seeing the forest for the trees, while my mom used the news to strengthen her resolve and to challenge the cancer right back! My Mom has defied all of my pre-conceived notions about cancer and chemotherapy. She has shown the direct benefit of the power of choice as she has been undergoing treatment for her cancer. In the LDS faith, there is a central concept called "free agency" (which others who are reading are far more qualified to discuss than me the Buddhist!) but in a very basic sense it is the power, the privilege and the responsibility for each person to make their own choices in life. As a child I always thought of it as choosing right over wrong, but I think it can also apply to our attitudes in how we handle the bumps in the road called "Life." One can choose to see the negative, focus on it, feel bad about it (and rightfully so!), and let it bring them down. Or . . . one can choose to look out for and recognize, acknowledge and celebrate every little positive that presents itself and use these moments to take a devastating and scary experience and turn it into a "Great Experience."

As you have likely seen in her blog postings, photos and facebook posts, Mom is the poster child for choosing the right in terms of her personal battle with cancer. She has not only kept an amazingly positive attitude throughout all of this, she has made whole foods, excellent nutrition and exercise a part of her daily routine, and she is actively seeking out ways to not only help herself in this battle but ways to help others as well. She is an inspiration to me and everyone around her. In fact, it may appear that the dark and difficult side of this is hidden from view, or minimized to protect people from seeing the "other" side of her battle. And truth is, she has been completely transparent about her disease from day 1. She is just as awesome as everyone sees in the photos and blog posts. I pray that this continues because no one could ask for any more than this joie de vivre, this spunk, sass, and joy. I am one seriously proud daughter, and speaking on behalf of my siblings as well as her sister, brother, Mom, Dad and extended relatives, I know they are as well.

Keep praying. Keep meditating. Keep my Mom in your thoughts. She is putting up one helluva fight and she feels every last one of you in her corner!

~Candice

Bathing in the Light of Truth and Spirit

I awoke today and my chest was filled with feelings of anxiety. Not the best way to start the day. I was grumpy with everyone I came in contact with (namely my kids, husband and brother). I went to work and felt stressed there. It just wasn’t the best of days.

When I arrived home, I spent a few minutes hanging out and talking with Mom. We talked about general family happenings, schedules for the week and other small stuff. For all intensive purposes, it was a rather ordinary and unremarkable conversation. Yet, as I walked out of the room to greet my children as they arrived home from school, I felt light, energized, patient and at peace. I felt good. It was like somehow I had been given permission to let go of the negativity of the day and was allowed and invited to come closer to the Truth, to the Spirit and the Infinite Light. I was given the opportunity to see clearly what matters in life and it is the “small” things that we take for granted every. Single. Day. In that moment, I enjoyed a short conversation with my mom and I enjoyed greeting and paying attention to my kids.

Mom might attribute the feeling to the presence of the Heavenly Spirit and I (being the “wacky” Buddhist of the family) realized that for me, it was a reminder that as I draw closer to understanding the ultimate Truth, or Enlightenment, that material things in life don’t matter and that true joy is found in everyday, mundane, and simple tasks if we just open our eyes and look. We are blessed.

~Candice

In the Face of a Challenge - Mom Puts her "Dukes" Up

Another update taken directly from Mom's personal blog:

Just another Detail to Address

If nothing else, I have found that I am resilient.  I am grateful for this.

Over the weekend, I realized I was short of breath and that it did not seem to be "going away".  I checked my punch list for "things you should report to your doctor" and acknowledged that this indeed was  on the punch list.  And then I did the "Tammy Thing"...tried to figure out if I "really" needed to bother the doctor...

Maybe all I needed was an inhaler (an asthmatic response to all of this perhaps?)
Maybe I was just doing to much and stressing my lungs?
Maybe I could just run over to Urgent Care and get a second opinion...before I got the first?

Then I stepped back into reality and called my doctor on a Sunday morning.  No surprise.  They wanted me to report to St. Joseph's emergency room. 

Okay then...was it a blood clot?  Pneumonia?

After xrays and CT Scans...I got the second most startling answer I have received during a hospital visit.  The cancer has spread to my lungs.  It is a "sprinkling of nodules" that is causing me to be a little breathless as I speak.  Now here is the news that I heard....

It makes a better case for approval of Avastin (a chemo drug that my insurance company has not approved yet)

It gives definition to my battle...yes, the cancer is alive and well and I need chemo!

Points for Tammy....my oxygen levels are high enough...I do not need to carry a tank with me yet.

Best news...I can exercise and fight this.  (I thought it might limit my physical ability...now I know, that I can power through this)

And confirmation...I am doing the right thing...chemo is the method to treat the lungs as well as the rest of it.  It actually gave me cause to look forward to my treatment today.

My visual today, I am fighting mad and my opponent (cancer) just energized me.  I am coming out shooting, swinging, using whatever I have in my arsenal to do battle.   And yes, to me, the lung involvement is simply just another detail.

This remains a great experience!

 

~Tammy

In Her Own Words

Here's the latest on Mom - taken directly from her blog :)

Who Scrambled My Insides?

What is chemo like 3 weeks after major surgery?  It is the ultimate guessing game in which you try to figure out if  you are feeling "this way or that" because you just had surgery, or your hormones are imbalanced (a special bonus for having both ovaries removed simultaneously and welcoming premature menopause), or you have just intentionally decided to boil your insides with toxic chemicals.   There are no concise answers...it just feels like someone took a giant eggbeater and stirred your insides up.

There have been funny moments...when they let me take a business call just as my Benadryl infusion was taking hold, or when I panicked at the sight of a "horrible discharge emanating from my belly button" only to be slightly embarrassed to discover it was just accumulated surgery glue that was releasing itself from the wound and the then the moment you realize you are not "running a temperature"...simply having a "hot flash"

There have been scary moments....that first drip, drip, drip of caustic solution releasing itself into your veins, the first and second puncture into your newly installed port, and the first time you stand naked in front of the mirror and fully examine your Frankensteinish scar down the middle of your body for the first time.

There have been tender moments...when you close your eyes to endure a moment and are blessed with the spirit of comfort or you run into a new friend that you only met 3 weeks ago as you made recovery laps around the hospital together...and now share the same extended journey to the doctor's office, chemo infusion center, etc. 

There have been sad moments...when you know your illness is too painful for others to witness (they just feel so helpless and, if they are natural "fixers" by nature, it is 100 times worse...the fact that they can't make you better).

There have been unexpected mercies and kindnesses...cards, flowers, dinners, phone calls, visits, and expressions of concern.  One of the latest...my neighborhood gas station owner who literally walked around the counter and gave me a hug then sincerely told me he would pray for me every day until I was well.

What is chemo like after major surgery...it is a new adventure every day wondering how in the world your insides (including your brain) got so scrambled and what the ultimate result will end up being!